<< FAST FORWARD <<
&
LED SLED
   (THE SLOW ONE)
ANNUAL CHRISTMAS NEWS LETTER
$eason of "96"
___________Satirized for your protection_________
LAKE MICHIGAN
NO SPEED LIMIT--OPEN ALL NIGHT
A long winded & lyrical look at the quality frivolity in the continuing short story serial about the observations and adventures of a mans private passion with his fast ocean racer and his very slow sport yacht. 
(For maximum effectiveness and enjoyment, read this newsletter at room temperature very late at night when you're warm in bed on Christmas Eve.)
LED SLED..... BUILT FOR COMFORT
<< FAST FORWARD <<.... BUILT FOR SPEED
I'm getting to be quite the expert with my new water hobby, saltwater tropical fish keeping.  With a 45-gallon and a 150-gallon aquarium covering the wall right next to my favorite TV chair.  The fish float up 12 inches from my face and watch TV with me.  They seem to enjoy the shows about KEIKO the whale and the raising of the "Calypso" the most.
My waterbed, hot tub, fish, & boats make me squint a skeptical eye that I have a substance abuse problem...... water!.
WHISKER CITY
About 11 PM on the coldest night of December last year with winds of -40 while I was checking one of my vacant apartments for frozen pipes, I heard what sounded like a baby crying outside in the gangway.   I went outside with my 4 cell flashlight and traced the sound coming from a large hole in a broken sidewalk.  While shining the bright light deep into the hole a spooky black cat stared back at me with 2 big K-9 teeth overlapping his lips like it was Halloween.  He was obviously starving and freezing.  I called the cat and without much hesitation he came out arching his back looking exactly like a Zeller Schwartz wine label.  I carried him around the building knocking on doors trying to get one of my tenants to take it in.  I even talked to some people walking down the street but no luck. 
Nobody wanted a black, skinny, shivering kitty so I brought him home and I listened to the cat frantically telling his tale of woe for hours in between wolfing down an amazing amount of food and water.  Showing how grateful he was I named him Spook because of the way we met and his 2 longer than usual K-9 teeth.  I knew I couldn't keep him because of the long days in the summer I am living on the boat.
So the next morning I brought Spook down to The Anti-Cruelty Shelter. I made a donation and came home.   As each day went by I kept wondering how he was doing, so I called to check on my feline friend.  They reported he had no diseases and for a starving cat with no reserves he was doing quite well and would be put up for adoption as soon as he got a little stronger.   It became obvious to me that if he survived all he had been through, he deserved to be a fat cat.  I went back to visit and when he saw me he assured me that if he had a good home he would be the best cat I had ever had.  Since I had never had a cat before, I figured that wouldn't be a very hard promise for him to keep, so we left together. 
Spook Prewitt is now doing quite well and has adapted nicely to my long boating departures.  I make sure he has plenty of food to survive at home during my summer adventures.  When I come home he always has a tale to tell about the long frustrating days by the aquarium watching what he seems to call the "flying mices" that are impossible to catch.  We celebrated our first Halloween together and that black cat even scared me.   I never thought that I would be a cat person but now I look forward to 2 decades together with the little guy.  (Cats live about twice as long as dogs and he still has 8 lives left).
CHICAGO BOAT SHOW
This years boat show last January was more interesting because of bigger boats up to 50 feet.   I didn't go to have the salesmen evaluate my ethical sensitivity or to make friends,  I went to steal a boat so I wrote a few offers.  (I'm told that if an offer doesn't offend the seller than the offer was too high).
Finally in the middle of all time record cold and frozen pipes I closed a deal on a beautiful 39 foot Searay Express Cruiser.  Because it is not the ocean racer that Fast Forward is, I named it Led Sled. (I didn't get a scholarship in spelling).  The name describes its swiftness and handling ability perfectly.
I didn't think I could enjoy boating any more than I already did, but now it's hot showers, air conditioned nights, hot meals in the microwave & stove and  a 28 inch Sony Trinitron with surround sound in the main salon.  
The cockpit deck has an icemaker and a 800 watt remote control CD stereo.
Down below is headroom to spare and the galley is quite a deviation from my usual 3 basic boating food groups; "canned, frozen & take out".  I like to put clown sauce on everything because it makes it taste funny.
I guess the only thing better than a luxury boat is keeping Fast Forward, so now in my conspicuous consumption I'm a 2 boat owner alternating between speed and comfort passing everything but the gas docks and finance company.!
                  GOING IN THE WATER 
The first week of May was launch time and I took my first ride at the helm of a boat with a 14 foot beam (the width across).  In the spring with nothing but wide-open lake with freedom comes responsibility.   Led Sled blends in perfectly with the other incognito boats, because when you stand out its hard to fit in.  Fast Forward is for drawing attention on the days when I feel like giving lessons on high-speed sunscreen application and baseball cap overboard recovery procedures.
Memorial Day weekend was in true Chicago fashion, a washout.  10 out of the last 11 Memorial Day weekends have had rain so it wasn't a surprise when you couldn't walk to the boat from your car without getting soaked.  I guess it doesn't matter how  you get wet when you go boating, you go boating to get wet!
MONSOON JUNE
I read that happiness comes from within so I spent a lot of time staying inside the boat being reclusive.  I knew the weather had to get better soon.   Since I spent a lot of time away from home, I am always worried about security at my house.  The Police say to make it look like somebody is at home, so I usually leave the lights on and bacon frying.
  AUGUST
Finally  the hot weather arrived during the first week of August but nothing like the heat emergency of last year.  Led Sled stays welded to the dock and I watched the last Olympics of this century as O. J. Simpson attends the closing ceremonies to apparently extinguish the flame.  They say that it's never too late to start exercising and that's why I've decided that I'm just going to wait.
SEPTEMBER
Labor Day weekend was picture perfect as the Midwest was the only place in the country to have good weather while the East Coast got a hurricane.  The rest of the month was below normal and the ranks started thinning early with many boats beginning to disappear for the season.
Finally there were a few more nice weekends and October 14 the final trip was made down the river to put the boat in dry dock for the winter.  High winds and waves made it difficult but I finally feel confident behind the helm of a big boat.  I drove the boat right into the huge sling that raised it 60 feet into the air a few minutes later.   Proudly, I didn't put one scratch on the new boat all season.  I guess that makes me seasoned.
The last event as a member at the Southern Shore Yacht Club was a Halloween party where I took 3 prize for being Elvis.  Perhaps I'll make the "what's hot not list".
The wild and wacky world of real estate is still the same with lots of surprises and I do most of my work on the phone from the boat.  I have neglected my music this year and I can't say that I have missed it too much. Although Cassandra (my companion and the great singer from our last band) sang onstage at the House of Blues with blues legend Bobby Blue Bland and he invited us to record with him in Mississippi!  I guess you might say that I still have an ax to grind when the guitar player is very fretful, but I want to work on a different venue other than smoky bars till 3 AM. 
Each season I seem to enjoy life more and if your not living on the edge then they say your taking up too much space.  I want to go places and experience it all until I take the shortest trip of all, six feet down.  It makes more sense to me to die when I living, than live when I die.... although I plan to be around for quite some time.
Looking forward to next year with new adventures and new area codes I  again have impatient patience for next years boating season.
Enjoy the change of seasons and all the challenges that come with it.  Have a good year now that 1997 is just around the corner!

  Happy Holidays:
   Captain Bill